I am back. So much more different than before. In the time span that I've been gone, I lost a friend, enhanced friendships with others, befriended again those I left for dead. Whether it be for good or bad, I know not. Here lies dragons... dragons of doubt and despair. Ever since she and I broke our friendship, I've seen that there be others who care about me. Like Avril... thanks cyar'ika =) at least you don't treat me like an outcast. I really appreciate that, and I'm sorry for being moody all the time D:
Yet... despair and self-doubt still chain themselves about me everyday. I tried to make more friends, yet most find me annoying. My results are declining. People treat me like an outcast, just because I'm westernized... am I really that weird? All I want is someone who understands me... who cares about me without wanting me to change the core of my identity. I know I have people who do so already, but... I want more, if only so I won't feel the void within.
*Sighs* Life is uncertain for me everyday. Only when talking to others, can I forget my doubts. I've lived a life in the dark for far, far too long. An atheist, English pro, a pessimistic and a liberal... set so apart from others, perhaps it's my fate to be eternally ostracized for having the one thing that most people don't possess around here. Individuality.
I don't want to be the same as others. That life can never be mine. I will NOT degrade myself to being a mere dog in a pack of many. NEVER. Can't people understand and appreciate that, instead of hating me for being so different? If familiarity breeds contempt, then what are their reasons?
I wish someone could answer the question that lingers inside me, the question I ask myself everyday:
When can I finally be at peace with myself?
At least I'm not alone... not anymore. As the night dies, I bid thee farewell, for but a brief while, as tomorrow's cycle begins.
Cold light above us,
Hope fills the heart and fades away,
Skin white as winter,
As the sky returns to gray...
Night~
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