End of Days

It's been quite a while since I've updated this blog, due to laziness and lack of new updates in life. Anyways, this post will essentially be about what's bugging my mind right now.

Form 6.

After several more hours, I'll head out to my ex-school to finalize all the necessary requirements for the documents needed for registration as a student of Form VI, then after an hour or so after that, head out to my new school.

Batu Lintang...

To be frank? I'm not all too excited about going there. It's not that I don't want to attend school or anything―rather, it's that I'm dreading what will come next.

Within the immediate week, orientation. From early morning 'till noon. In a new school which I've never been familiar with... okay, so orientation is supposed to familiarize us with it. No arguments there. Still... I'm betting my cards that nearly all of it will be brain-killing.

I really do not want to go. I just want to stay home and enjoy the last week of holidays, before hell arrives to torment me anew. But my parents insist I go. And I doubt I have a choice of my own.

But worst of all, are these certain issues playing through my mind:



1. I won't have any close friends in BL.
Sure, some of my classmates are going there. But I was never the popular guy. The closest I came to popular was when I remarked on something and everyone laughed. Which I assure you, is feckin' rare. Of all the friends I was comfy with last year, none will go where I will, I believe. Churchill? In goddamned Swinburne. Jeff? If it ain't matriculation, it'll be NS... good luck to him on that. Chuan Yee? Bound for KL soon, if he's not already there. My NS buddies?

ALL IN FECKIN' GREEN ROAD!

Sure, I can transfer. And I will. But it takes time... maybe even months. Do I really want to uproot myself and start familiarizing myself all over again? No I don't, but I've no choice. It's that, or stay at kiasu BL. Which leads us to no. 2...



2. BL is fucking kiasu.
Or so I heard from Wan Ying. *Sigh* Churchill's been telling me I don't know anything about it myself, that I can't judge based on others' experiences. Fact: How am I supposed not to? By the time I get in, it'll be too late for me to say, "Fuck, I miscalculated, BL is kiasu afterall." This is all I have to go with. And anyone who knows me, knows how bad I hate the 'kiasu' attitude. It's not my style, and it'll never be my style. Gah. As for the third and last...



3. I'm in the Science stream. Déjà vu, anyone?
The last time I checked, I did badly in the aforementioned stream. I fucking suck at Maths. And do a few appalling notches better at Science subs. After thinking, I decided to play to my strengths―if I'm so good in English, I might as well be a journalist. So I decided to do Mass Comm... but I doubt Science subs will help me get there.

Solution? Apply for transfer. But there have been cases where it was rejected. In other words, fuck the government. So yeah, this issue is one I can solve... but it cuts both ways. *Frowns* Not to mention I'll have to take Science subs for the meantime, until I switch. Then I have to―wait for it―familiarize myself with the new subs! *Exasperated groan* GODDAMNED RED TAPE!

These 3 issues are more than enough to worry me already... I only hope I don't drop dead during orientation. I have to find a way to skip it. Before I degenerate into random babble, I suppose I should just shut up, so here you go.

―Transmission ends―

Return... and revelation.

It's been a long 2 months and more since the end of yesteryear... so many things have happened, and at the same time... nothing has changed.

This is what I've been doing for the past 2 months: Surviving NS camp. Putting on a defiant mask, and scowling at every word the instructors there tell me; never letting one word get past my defenses.

For to let them persuade me, is to brainwash me. And I will not permit that. At Serian's NS camp, I saw what Malaysia truly is. A quagmire of racism and corruption. Certain... races treat others like crap, just for the sake of it. The irony: that oppressed race is far more accomplished than the oppressing one.

Yet, they treat us like second-class citizens, only because they were taught so. Only because to their reduced intellect, it is just. Fair. Right. What a tragedy... I went in there mildly racist, and I came out of there extremely racist―that is, racist towards the oppressors!

Now that I'm back, I'm waiting to leave again; a trip to Singapore in the morrow beckons. And another week after the conclusion of that trip, another journey, this time to Lundu. And after that... it's driving lessons, perhaps a part-time job, and surveys for any opportunities to further my studies, although I'm leaning towards F6.

And I think... it's time for me to try being more 'normal'. I believe I have to find someone to be with―as in a lover. Someone. I'm not sure I can pull it off... but I have to try. The question is, who? I suppose only time will tell.

Back towards the topic of NS. I will not say it is good―for that, it certainly is not―but neither is it truly foul. In the end, it provided me with a place to meet new friends, not to mention seeing life as it truly is.

I do not have much more to say. Not that I had anything to say at first. So... this post ends with a couple of pics.




These are the people who suffered 70 days with me, who endured brainwashing and came out unscathed... all of us have a bond that will endure. To me, they are not the last of my teenage friends... they are the first of my adult friends. As great as Chill, Jeff, CY, KJ, Jerk and the others are, we may part someday... despite those years in secondary school, we don't have anything to hold on to―or rather, nothing stable enough to hold on to.

In the end, even stars burn out...